The Potty Mouth at the Table by Laurie Notaro

Author:Laurie Notaro
Language: eng
Format: mobi, epub
Tags: Non-Fiction, Humour, Writing
ISBN: 9781451659399
Publisher: Gallery Books
Published: 2013-01-02T00:00:00+00:00

Savory

Holy shit. It just means salty. It just means salty and not sweet. It’s just something you’d eat for lunch and not breakfast. That’s all. Same difference between French toast and a grilled cheese sandwich. Savory = lunch. Mystery solved.

Punishment: Kick the next person who says it.

Gelée

What happens when the ocean eats dairy and its intestines shed their coating. Or, boiled and rendered horse hooves. Delish.

Punishment: A Jell-O hoof shot.

Bonus Round: Foodie

If you have ever used the word as a self-identifier in a sentence, have a T-shirt with it printed on it, or wrote it down without a smirk on your face or squirming in your chair, I’m sure you outsold everyone else in band during candy season. And guess what? We all eat food. We all like it. We all enjoy “the experience”; some of us just have more interesting things to brag about.

It’s like breathing: it’s everybody’s game, but you don’t see “Breathies” writing blogs about the exclusive oxygen someone flew in from France, or recounting how they inhaled some air that lichen can live in. Get a hobby. Develop a skill that takes more talent than just chewing and swallowing. Because you are really irritating.

And we all hate you.

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